Finite Dreams

A girl in search of the meaning of life. I'm slowly finding my place in this thing called life.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

My Nervous Breakdown Episode

Last night I had a nervous breakdown.  My colleague called me at half past midnight because she said my boss was really mad at me. I had no idea what I had done wrong again so I panicked and called him. It turns out he was really mad at me because of the proposal that I sent out that afternoon. He started ranting at me and telling me that I was unprofessional and my proposal was sooo bad that it was crap (words to that effect).

I just lost it after that. I puit my heart into the proposal and people just come over and trample all over it. I started crying from 12:30 AM until 2 AM. When I couldn't take it anymore, I called my sister and 2 of my friends who I knew were awake at that time. They spoke to me and were all quite happy for me that I decided to go home. They all told me that what I was going through wasn't worth it even if I am earning 4 times more than what I used to earn in Manila. In fact, my sister told me that if I go home, I should take a long vacation.

Funny, I woke up this morning dreading to go to work. Then I checked what my boss was screaming about...it was just a typographical error. I had placed Taiwan instead of Malaysia under one of the clauses for the proposal. The thing is, they were rushing me to make revisions even until 4:30 PM knowing that I had to send this out by 5 PM to the courier. Of course there is a huge chance for human error. I was already done with the proposal last Monday and I can't understand why they had to wait until the last minute to make changes. I am not sloppy with my work if you give me enough time to review it. I actually spoke to the client and we were laughing about the whole thing. Life doesn't end with 1 mistake. It was a huge mystery to me how people can blow it out of proportion.

I'm writing my email to my boss tonight and sending it tomorrow so we can both think about things over the weekend. Hopefully, if things go as planned, I'll be out of here by the end of August. I don't see the point in suffering unnecessarily for my job when I know I have a shot a good life. Although of course there will have to be a lifestyle change. It doesn't really matter to me because I've experienced at least twice in my life what it is like to lose everything. It's not so bad, I'[ve always survived.  Plus, this is nothing compared to what I have had to go through in my life. Why am I going to let a fat b-----d and a scheming conniving b---h ruin my happiness?