Just Wondering

Since this is my blog, allow me to complain....

I have been officially single for almost 4 years now. I've had 1 fling, a couple of disastrous blind dates and gotten myself into weird arrangements. ("Yes, we hang out most of the time; but remember we are not dating!) Through it all, I haven't been lucky enough to find someone worth spending some quality time with.

I'm not ugly. I'm fairly successful for someone my age. I'm smart, well-read, and well-travelled. So why do I spend most of my weekends at home all alone?

I had my first boyfriend when I was 18. We broke up after a month. After that, I had my second boyfriend when I was 20. That lasted for1 1/2 years and ended in total disaster. For a year after that break-up, I managed to get myself into really complicated situations. Then finally one day I told myself, "That's it! I'm swearing off men for one whole year!"

You see I made a promise when I was 22 not to go out with any guy for 1 whole year. Not even dating. I needed to get my life in order before I could allow myself to risk my heart again. I did manage to fix my life. The thing is, my vow worked too well, it's been almost 4 years now that I have been single.

I guess the reason why I am feeling this way is that it's going to be my birthday next month. Looks like I'm going to go solo again this year. Of course I know all my friends will be there. There's just a small, teensy, weensy part of me that wishes I would have someone's hand to hold on to that day. Or maybe I just miss having someone to hug.