Post-Christmas Thoughts
I'm glad Christmas is finally over. No more traffic jams. No more crowds in the malls. No more mad rush to buy gifts. Life can finally go back to normal.
Every year it becomes harder to find that Christmas feeling. Is it because I am becoming more jaded about life? I've been on vacation for about 4 months now and it has done wonders for me emotionally. However, that feeling of tiredness hasn't really gone away completely. It's like life is becoming a series of duties and responsibilities that one has to fulfill. That is why I've been spending most of my life being a nomad. I don't like to feel trapped or to be bound to anyone or anything.
Yesterday I was having a conversation with some friends abut marriage and career. I don't want to marry because I'm afraid of being lulled into a false sense of security by the stability that marriage offers. I don't want to have to worry about anyone when I decide to take off on one of my whimsical trips. Even if they say that I marry a truly liberal or open-minded guy, will I be ever able to make decisions without having to consider the other person in the equation? Should I finally decide to go to graduate school abroad, then I would have to think of relocation arrangements not only for myself, but for another person. I'm also afraid of growing old. All of my friends who are unmarried look at least 10 years younger than their real age. They said that unmarried people look younger because they have no worries and it could be a form of selfishness. I'd have to disagree with that argument because some single people can dedicate the rest of their lives to a noble cause without having to be worried about the boring details of everyday married life.
I have so many dreams and I feel I have so little time. I was not born to walk on a single path. Just because I like to keep moving, doesn't mean I don't have a sense of where I am going. I know exactly what I want. Whether fortunate or not, there are so many things I just feel I have to do with my life. Like I've always said, I don't want to wake up one day when I'm 40 and realize that there are some things I failed to do in my life. I feel so driven by my goals that I do not want to stop and wait for another person.
Every year it becomes harder to find that Christmas feeling. Is it because I am becoming more jaded about life? I've been on vacation for about 4 months now and it has done wonders for me emotionally. However, that feeling of tiredness hasn't really gone away completely. It's like life is becoming a series of duties and responsibilities that one has to fulfill. That is why I've been spending most of my life being a nomad. I don't like to feel trapped or to be bound to anyone or anything.
Yesterday I was having a conversation with some friends abut marriage and career. I don't want to marry because I'm afraid of being lulled into a false sense of security by the stability that marriage offers. I don't want to have to worry about anyone when I decide to take off on one of my whimsical trips. Even if they say that I marry a truly liberal or open-minded guy, will I be ever able to make decisions without having to consider the other person in the equation? Should I finally decide to go to graduate school abroad, then I would have to think of relocation arrangements not only for myself, but for another person. I'm also afraid of growing old. All of my friends who are unmarried look at least 10 years younger than their real age. They said that unmarried people look younger because they have no worries and it could be a form of selfishness. I'd have to disagree with that argument because some single people can dedicate the rest of their lives to a noble cause without having to be worried about the boring details of everyday married life.
I have so many dreams and I feel I have so little time. I was not born to walk on a single path. Just because I like to keep moving, doesn't mean I don't have a sense of where I am going. I know exactly what I want. Whether fortunate or not, there are so many things I just feel I have to do with my life. Like I've always said, I don't want to wake up one day when I'm 40 and realize that there are some things I failed to do in my life. I feel so driven by my goals that I do not want to stop and wait for another person.
posted by wilgefortis @ 9:17 PM
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