Dealing With Stuff
This morning one of the closest friends of an ex called me. We had been sort of in touch via email when I was in Singapore and she just wanted to catch up with me now that I was back. We had not seen each other for a long time since the break-up but she was one of the people who I really got along with. She sort of missed me too because she knew I was a good person.
They never really heard my side of the story. I didn't really want to tell them because they were his friends and I wanted to respect his space. It's been a long time now so we sort of ended up talking about him. She always wondered why we really broke up. On my side, my reason for leaving was that I couldn't stand the arguments and the lies anymore. We were always fighting about my job, my late night-outs, my drinking and my friends. I also really never understood why he was always trying to court other girls despite the fact that we were together at that time. One time, I even caught him in Starbucks Katipunan on a date with another girl.
It was at that point when she told me what he had been telling them for the last few years as to why we broke up. He said, when he proposed to marry me before, he was really serious and when I said no because I wanted to focus on building a career first, he was genuinely heartbroken. He then felt that the relationship no longer had a point and didn't feel like going on. He had already been making plans of quitting his job, taking care of the kids and running a small business while I worked. He felt that single word from me completely shattered his world. That's why he started cheating on me.
It took me some time to process this information because we never really talked about it before. My reasons for leaving were clear but I didn't know his story behind it. Who knew how one word would have the powerful ramifications in both our lives and completely change the course of my own life? I didn't.
First there was anger on my part because I thought he was such an idiot. I only said "No." because I didn't want to marry him at that age. But I had every intention of marrying him at 28. I needed to build my career first, see the world, take up my Masters, and then finally settle down. Then at one point I felt sadness because I had no idea how much I had hurt him. All the while, I was so focused on my own pain that I didn't pause to think that maybe this other person was also hurt by what I did.
Eventually, I'm at that point where I am beginning to accept things as they are. It really wasn't meant to be. He's found someone else and he's happy with her. I've achieved my dreams just as I said I would and I'm beginning to build new ones now.
She asked me if there was still a possibility of us becoming friends. He'd like to open up the doors but he's really afraid that I would beat the crap out of him again. I just said, "I'd really rather not at this point in my life." There's too much excess baggage on both our parts. Plus, why mess up a good arrangement? Besides, things are where they are meant to be right now, I don't want to be a cause of disorder again.
They never really heard my side of the story. I didn't really want to tell them because they were his friends and I wanted to respect his space. It's been a long time now so we sort of ended up talking about him. She always wondered why we really broke up. On my side, my reason for leaving was that I couldn't stand the arguments and the lies anymore. We were always fighting about my job, my late night-outs, my drinking and my friends. I also really never understood why he was always trying to court other girls despite the fact that we were together at that time. One time, I even caught him in Starbucks Katipunan on a date with another girl.
It was at that point when she told me what he had been telling them for the last few years as to why we broke up. He said, when he proposed to marry me before, he was really serious and when I said no because I wanted to focus on building a career first, he was genuinely heartbroken. He then felt that the relationship no longer had a point and didn't feel like going on. He had already been making plans of quitting his job, taking care of the kids and running a small business while I worked. He felt that single word from me completely shattered his world. That's why he started cheating on me.
It took me some time to process this information because we never really talked about it before. My reasons for leaving were clear but I didn't know his story behind it. Who knew how one word would have the powerful ramifications in both our lives and completely change the course of my own life? I didn't.
First there was anger on my part because I thought he was such an idiot. I only said "No." because I didn't want to marry him at that age. But I had every intention of marrying him at 28. I needed to build my career first, see the world, take up my Masters, and then finally settle down. Then at one point I felt sadness because I had no idea how much I had hurt him. All the while, I was so focused on my own pain that I didn't pause to think that maybe this other person was also hurt by what I did.
Eventually, I'm at that point where I am beginning to accept things as they are. It really wasn't meant to be. He's found someone else and he's happy with her. I've achieved my dreams just as I said I would and I'm beginning to build new ones now.
She asked me if there was still a possibility of us becoming friends. He'd like to open up the doors but he's really afraid that I would beat the crap out of him again. I just said, "I'd really rather not at this point in my life." There's too much excess baggage on both our parts. Plus, why mess up a good arrangement? Besides, things are where they are meant to be right now, I don't want to be a cause of disorder again.
posted by wilgefortis @ 1:57 AM
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