My Only New Year's Resolution

As I was checking my friend's blogs, I noticed that everyone seems to be in a very reflective mood these days. I guess it's really that time of the year. In my previous entries, I already shared what the year 2004 will mean to me in the years to come. Then I realized, that I forgot one important tradition of the new year which is to prepare my list of resolutions.

I don't think I've had any new year's resolutions in a long time because I always believed that I would end up breaking them anyway. Plus, I also believe that things happen in their proper time. So why suddenly come up with something this year? I realized that I really need to do this if I am going to be fully happy with my life.

I have no complaints. Like I said, I know where I stand as a person. I am aware of my stregths and my weaknesses. I know who my friends are. I also have a clear idea of what I want to do with my life. However, there is just one thing that is left unresolved in my heart and we all know what that is or rather who it is.

For the year 2005, I promise to let go of the past. I will no longer idealize it because it wasn't the greatest thing that happened in my life. I will no longer delude myself into thinking that he was the only person I ever loved and can ever love. My life didn't end when he left. In fact, I survived the pain, the alcoholism and the mess that came after him. Later on, I found out who I was meant to become. At the same time, I learned to really appreciate the important people in my life.

I will stop stalking him on Friendster in order to get updates on his life. If you check my Friendster page, he is no longer on my list of friends. I even deleted the testimonial I wrote for him. Yes, I will remain friends with some of his friends, but if they ever ask me how I feel about him, then I will just pretend I never heard the question in the first place. If they try to update about what's up with him, then I will quickly change the topic.

God help me because this is probably the Nth time I've had to erase him from my life completely. But I will be successful this year. It's been more than 4 years since the big breakup, I think I deserve to find my own happiness. This doesn't mean though that I will start dating or open my heart to a new relationship. That's a different question altogether that will be answered at a different time.