Signs of Alcoholism

Decided to post something useful for a change....

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF ALCOHOLISM?

Here is a self-test to help you review the role alcohol plays in your life. These questions incorporate manycommon symptoms of alcoholism . This test is intended to help you determine if you or someone you know needs to find out more about alcoholism; It is not intended to be used to establish the diagnosis of alcoholism.

1) Do you ever drink heavily when you are disappointed, under pressure or have had a quarrel with someone?
2) Can you handle more alcohol now than when you first started to drink?
3) Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening, even though your friends said that you did not pass out?
4) When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others won't know about?
5) Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?
6) Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?
7) Are you in more of a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you used to be?
7) Has a family member or close friend ever expressed concern or complained about your drinking?
8) Have you been having more memory 'blackouts' recently?
9) Do you often want to continue drinking after your friends say they've had enough?
10) Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily?
11) When you're sober, do you sometimes regret things you did or said while drinking?
12) Have you tried switching brands or drinks, or following different plans to control your drinking?
14) Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you.made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking?
15) Have you ever had a DWI (driving while intoxicated) or DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) violation, or any other legal problem related to your drinking?
16) Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?
17) Are you having more financial, work, school and/or family problems as a result of your drinking?
18) Has your physician ever advised you to cut down on your drinking?
19) Do you eat very little or irregularly during the periods when you are drinking?
20) Do you sometimes have the "shakes" in the morning and find that it helps to have a "little" drink, tranquilizer medication of some kind?
21) Have you recently noticed that you can't drink as much as you used to?
22) Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time?
23) After periods of drinking do you sometimes see or hear things that aren't there?
24) Have you ever gone to anyone for, help about your drinking?
25) Do you ever feel depressed or anxious before, during or after of heavy drinking?

Hmmm...I've already improved. If I answered this question 2 years ago, I would answer "Yes." to about 13 questions. Now, I'm done to 5.

Moving Again...

Last night I decided to start the very painful process of packing my stuff. Either which way my situation in Singapore turns out, I still need to move out of my house on Sept. 1 anyway. It's a very tedious process but I had to start sometime.

I decided to start with the clothes since this is the most difficult to arrange and sort. Books are very clear cut and I definitely know I have to take all of them with me. It was while folding clothes that the reality of having to move again finally dawned on me.

About a year ago, I had to do the same thing. I had to go through everything I had and decide which one I really needed to take with me to Singapore. It's a good process, sorting through your things once in a while and letting go of those that are no longer of any use to you. It doesn't get easier though, no matter how many times you've had to do this.

I mean since I was a child, I've had to transfer houses 7 times. That's way more than the average person will do in their entire life. I guess that's why I've never felt rooted anywhere and any home is as good as the other as long as I have a bed to sleep on.

Anyway, was feeling a little wistful last night because I did enjoy staying in my current house. I had a nice kitchen where I could try out new recipes, a nicely decorated living room and my own room where I could just stay the whole day curled up in bed. But then, it's time to move on. Since I am already done with the clothes, tonight I am going to dismantle my shelf and pack my books. God, I only wish by the age of 30, I already know where I am going to stay.

4 Bars and a McDonalds

There is something I noticed that in my last month here n Singapore. I have ingested more alcohol than I have in the last year. This comes after months and months of clean living.

Last Friday, I was already on my way home when I ran into some colleagues. They invited me to join them for dinner since they were trying to kill some time before an event they were supposed to go to. I ended up going home at 4 AM in the morning.

First we started out in this seafood bar called Oosters where we shared 1 kg of mussels and a sausage platter. I had a raspberry flavored beer since I had no intention of getting drunk. Plans do change all the time. So at around 9 PM, they asked me go with them to the garage party which was somewhere in the Orchard area. On our way there, we dropped by at a 7-11 store to get some drinks. I ended up buying a small bottle of Absolut Kurant vodka.

Once we got to Orchard we met up with some other people. Well, since we got there quite early, they decided to hang out at a McDonald's nearby. Except that we weren't really eating at McDonald's. We were drinking Jim Beam bourbon with Coke we ordered from McDonald's.

The garage party didn't turn out to be that hot, so we ended up leaving after only 5 minutes of dancing. The guys decided to go to Bar None in Marriot Hotel. On our way there, I was already drinking a Bacardi Breezer. Once we got there, I got a tequilla sunrise and headed straight out for the dancefloor. I don't really like Bar None that much but I had more fun this time because I was in the middle of the dance floor. That meant no one was going to talk to me. The music was pretty okay so I ended up dancing my heart out the rest of the time I was there.

At 2:30 AM, my colleague called me up to tell me that some of them were at Brix in Hyatt Hotel. So I ended up dragging my already very drunk colleague a couple of buildings down the road. At 3 AM, I found myself downing some tequilla shots and finishing some of the beer.

I still managed to get home in one piece after that. In fact, I was even able to bring a colleague home safely to her house since I live just one block away from her. Sometimes though, I wish I cold just stay away from the alcohol for good. But it's still an improvement. At least I no longer do this in the middle of the week.

Ghosts of the Past

Everyone has ghosts from their past that they would rather forget. God knows I have a lot. Some I have already confronted and reconciled with. There are others who have chosen to run away from me. That I cannot do much about, so I let them be. But there are others who remain like the fungi that grow on trees.

Anyway, how do I drive away these ghosts? Most of the time, I just try to erase them completely from my life. I cut off all ties and leave no trace of them whatsoever in my life. Sometimes I tear up all their letters, burn their pictures and delete their numbers from my cellphone.

Last night I was talking to my friend Cecil and we were talking about how no matter how hard we try to run away, the past still catches up with us eventually. I had to admit it was true. I have already burned his pictures which have both me and him in it. I tore up his graduation picture which was the only evidence I had left that he once loved me. I even deleted his number from my cellphone a long time ago. The problem is, I still have his number in my head. The ironic thing is, I only remember it clearly when I am dead drunk.

Actually, I still have at least 2 pictures left with both me and him in it. I just don't feel like burning it because does it really help? Plus, don't I want to have something to look back on when I am old? I don't know. I really just want to forget. Of course, time has already dulled the pain and also the love. I just wish I no longer had to be reminded of him. Problem is circumstances always seem to be conspiring against me.

Oh well, I just have to live with this for now. Eventually, we all forget in the end.

Who is St. Wilgefortis?

I first tried to use the Internet when I was about 17 years old. At that time, I decided to sign up for an email address on one of the free email websites. I really wanted to use something with Cookie in it since that is my nickname. Unfortunately, anything I came up with was already taken. After some time, I was getting frustrated with what name to use. That's when my sister suggested I check out the book of women saints we had in the house. Without checking their lifestory, I just tried to find the most unique name in the book. I chose Wilgefortis. After trying that out, it was finally accepted by the free email website. No one had ever tried to sign up before using that name.

So now when people ask me for my personal email address, I always refer them to wilgefortis. After that, the standard reaction would be a look of disbelief on their faces and a request for me to spell it. So I decided to write a post answering your question on "Who in the world is St. Wilgefortis?"

St. Wilgefortis was the 12 year old daughter of a Visigoth King in Portugal. She had secretly converted to Chritianity and taken a vow of chastity. Her father, unaware of his daughter's vow, arranged for her marriage to a neighboring pagan prince. She then prayed to God to be delivered from this promise. So God answered her prayers and gave her a full beard! Of course the prince backed out from the marriage because he didn't want to marry a disfigured woman. This so angered her father that he had her crucified.

Wilgefortis was never recognized as an official saint by the Catholic church. No one could ever prove the historical basis for her story. Nonetheless, a following was developed around her mainly in Central Europe and England. She is the patron saint against men you hate. You're supposed to offer oats to her in the hope that a horse will come along to take away your horrible husband or pesky suitor. Thus, women had the hope of gaining their freedom from these deadweights. That's why her other name in English is St. Uncumber.

Special Note: My reference for this information was this website: http://outcyclopedia.0catch.com/uncumber.html

Please Stay Out of My Dreams!!!

Yesterday, while I was stuck at home due to my severe back pain, I had no choice but to spend the whole morning sleeping. I ended up having a strange dream.

I found myself in a family reunion. The weird thing is, this wasn't MY family reunion. It was the family reunion of my ex's family. It was really freaky because there were various people approaching me asking me, "Do you remember me?" I wasn't even with my ex. I was with a friend of mine who happens to be related to him. He wasn't even seated in the same table. He was in another table with his current girlfriend and his siblings.

A couple of months ago I had another dream with him in it. We supposedly had a kid and we were talking about custody and visitation rights. Obviously, that meant we weren't married in the dream. The weird thing was we were pretty cool about it.

I know we can't control what we dream about. Although, I'm hoping that by writing this down, he'll never show up ever again in my dreams. If anybody has other suggestions how to keep someone out of your dreams, do let me know. I'd really appreciate it.

Why can'tI dream about Christian Bale instead?!!!!!

Back Pain Episode

I woke up yesterday unable to get out of bed. I had the most horrible back pain ever. I couldn't bend and neither could I twist. All I really could do was just lie down there.

It's kind of scary to be in that situation knowing that you are all alone in your apartment and all alone in this country. Well at that moment, my friend Cai (who is currently based in Australia), was texting me. I ended up calling her. She used to work at a chiropractor so she managed to give me some practical advice on how to deal with extreme back pain. She told me to use a cold compress first to relieve the pain. I managed to drag myself to the kitchen to look for ice. It was quite a horrible feeling when I discovered I didn't have any in the fridge. So I dragged myself back to the bed only after uttering all the curse words I knew.

Anyway I did manage to see a doctor in the afternoon. He gave me some painkillers. After that, I went back home and stayed in bed until it was time for "The Amazing Race". Woke up feeling a little better this morning. That's why I'm back here in the office.

As a side note, Charla and Mirna were eliminated in last night's episode. I think they were a really good team, eventhough they were a little ruthless sometimes. Let's see how the other teams fare in the next few episodes. I still don't have a clear favorite for this season.

Just Wondering

Since this is my blog, allow me to complain....

I have been officially single for almost 4 years now. I've had 1 fling, a couple of disastrous blind dates and gotten myself into weird arrangements. ("Yes, we hang out most of the time; but remember we are not dating!) Through it all, I haven't been lucky enough to find someone worth spending some quality time with.

I'm not ugly. I'm fairly successful for someone my age. I'm smart, well-read, and well-travelled. So why do I spend most of my weekends at home all alone?

I had my first boyfriend when I was 18. We broke up after a month. After that, I had my second boyfriend when I was 20. That lasted for1 1/2 years and ended in total disaster. For a year after that break-up, I managed to get myself into really complicated situations. Then finally one day I told myself, "That's it! I'm swearing off men for one whole year!"

You see I made a promise when I was 22 not to go out with any guy for 1 whole year. Not even dating. I needed to get my life in order before I could allow myself to risk my heart again. I did manage to fix my life. The thing is, my vow worked too well, it's been almost 4 years now that I have been single.

I guess the reason why I am feeling this way is that it's going to be my birthday next month. Looks like I'm going to go solo again this year. Of course I know all my friends will be there. There's just a small, teensy, weensy part of me that wishes I would have someone's hand to hold on to that day. Or maybe I just miss having someone to hug.

Food and My Memories

Last weekend, I pigged out on all kinds of unhealthy food. The uncertainty of my situation in Singapore has been driving me insane. I mean, I really do want to go home, because I want to live my life there. However, if I get this job, I have to consider staying here for another year.

Hmmm.....let me list down everything I ate over the weekend (starting Friday night)

12 brownie nibblers from Mrs. Fields
1 bag of Hershey's Kisses with Almonds
Sliced pork from Bee Cheng Hiang
Taiwanese Black Pepper sausages
A big bag of potato chips
Pork Belly fried in Olive Oil and Garlic
Pork, Pumpkin and String Beans Stewed in Coconut Milk (Prepared exactly the way my Mom used to)

I was suddenly inspired to cook over the weekend because I suddenly missed my Mom. Notice how nothing ever tastes as good as your mother's own home-cooked recipes? I have spent the last 5 years of my life trying to recreate how she cooked things because it kept me linked to her even when she could no longer recognize me.

Come to think of it, there are probably a lot of mothers out there who cook better than my Mom, but nothing will ever replace her adobo, spaghetti, pinakbet and of course the laing. I've already been able to get at least the 2 dishes right. However, I'm still frustrated that I can't cook the pinakbet the same way she did.

Since both my parents come from Bicol, most of the food I ate as a child was prepared in coconut milk with some chili in it. Got a chicken? We'll cook it in coconut milk. Got a fish? We'll still cook it in coconut milk. You only have meat left in the fridge? Here, let's put some coconut milk in it. That's why until now I have a really high tolerance for spicy food and I love anything with coconut milk in it. In fact, there's a Singaporean-Malay dish called laksa which I really like. I sample it in the different hawker centers whenever I can. It's noodles and seafood cooked in coconut milk.

I used to be really in love with this guy many years ago. When I was still naive and stupid, I actually thought we would get married. Of course we had conversations about who would prepare food in the house. They would often go like this:

ME: So, when are you going to learn how to cook?

HIM: Never.

ME: Why??!!

HIM: Only women should cook?

ME: What if I have to go on a business trip? How will you eat??!!

HIM: I'll just go home to my Mom's house.

ME: I hate you!!! I'll make sure to put lots of chili in the food!!!!

HIM: Then I'll go home to my mother's house.

ME: I still hate you!!!

HIM: Hey, my Mom says she's available to teach you how to cook...

ME: Why?

HIM: We were hoping you would be interested to bake brownies the way my family does....

Obviously, it didn't work out. He was always complaining about my cooking. Either the food was too salty, too spicy, not sweet enough, etc. Hmmm...I wonder when I will finally meet the guy who WON'T complain about my cooking.

Weekend Movies

Last weekend, I saw 1 movie and 1 documentary. I watched "Secret Window" starring Johnny Depp and "Farenheit 9/11" , the controversial documentary by Michael Moore.

"Secret Window" is the story of a writer's descent into madness. Morton (played by Johnny Depp) has holed himself up in his cabin in the woods to write his new novel. He's also trying to run away from his domestic troubles eversince he caught his wife cheating on him. His solitude is disturbed when a stranger named John Shooter (played by John Turturro) appears on his doorstep claiming Morton has plagiarized his story. He leaves his manuscript on Morton's doorstep. After much curiousity, Morton reads it and confirms that it is the same as a story he wrote years ago called Secret Window. From there the 2 men begin a standoff to prove who wrote the story first. Except the story gets a little twisted because people are killed. I think the first half is better becuase they manage to set the mood right. However, once you get closer to the ending, the director pulls out old tricks from the database of standard movie endings. So I felt pretty bored by the end of the film since it was really nothing new.

After that, I rushed on to the screening of "Farenheit 9/11" by Micheal Moore. It was a far more interesting viewing experience because it managed to be funny, scary, sad and insightful all at the same time. Of course, it's pretty obvious how Moore feels about George Bush from the very beginning so don't expect a real unbiased documentary.

By interviewing government officials, ploughing through official documents, digging up footage of the actual war in Iraq and talking to regular American families, Moore raises a lot of interesting questions: Where did George W. Bush come from? Is there a link between Bush and the Bin Ladens? Why in the first place did the US have to wage a war with Iraq? How does America's foreign policy affect the ordinary American?

On the lighter side of the movie, I have to say that the music they used was pretty hilarious. Just when things threaten to become too serious, they suddenly inject cheesy hits from the 80's. I ended up laughing a lot. Plus, he always chooses footage of George W. Bush that makes him look really stupid and lost.

Michael Moore can be a real pain in the ass for American politicians.But you have to give the guy credit. He asks the difficult questions and shows people that things aren't as simple as we think they are. War isn't simply between good guys and bad guys. We should never forget the civilians who are caught in the crossfire, the mothers who lose their sons and the families that are dstroyed by the unending cycle of violence. If Americans still vote him for a second term of office after watching this film, then they deserve whatever they get.

Birds Without Wings

"Man is a bird without wings and a bird is a man without sorrows."

From Birds Without Wings
By Louis De Bernieres

To attempt a review of "Birds Without Wings" and actually do justice to it is probably sheer folly. The book encompasses a whole range of subjects both fictional and non-fictional that I do not really know where and how to start. The story of a small insignificant town called Eskibache is told amidst the historical backdrop of the rise of modern-day Turkey.

Let me state now that I am very biased in my opinion of Louis De Bernieres. I was one of those people who fell in love with "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" many years ago the first time I read it. Subsequently, I discovered his earlier trilogy on Colombia. I've always been a very big fan of his so the moment I saw the book here in Borders, I grabbed it at once without thinking.

If you are going to attempt to read this book, make sure you are in the proper frame of mind because you will have to work out many storylines and see how all the characters are linked up together. The bonus is, you also get a history lesson on modern-day Turkey and its founder Mustafa Kemal Attaturk. At the same time, he discusses how Christians and Muslims have always been pitted against each other throughout history by megalomaniacs fueled by unending ambition. It's an ironic situation considering that at thier very core, these two religions are actually similar.

Since we have already made it clear that I am not going to give you an objective review of this book, I will just list down the 5 things that I really liked about "Birds Without Wings":

1) With Louis De Bernieres, the words just flow so naturally on the page. You might initially get confused by the details in the beginning, but once you get his rhythm, it's such a rewarding experience. Once I start reading his books, I can't really put them down. In fact, last Saturday I refused to leave the house because I just had to finish the book.

2) He's one of the very rare authors who can make me cry. He can describe death, war, and the loss of innocence in such vivid detail that he makes you feel like you are actually there.

3) He's a man after my own heart. He speaks out against all forms of fundamentalism whether it is based on ideology, religion or nationalism. De Bernieres exposes how ridiculous a belief system can be when the desire for orthodoxy is carried too far.

4) He always features cats in his books.:) He understands the relationship between cats and their owners.

5) He can be a little pessimistic about love, but I like him because he's very realistic. He doesn't indulge in too much sentimentality.

However, what will probably be his greatest acheivement for this major work is that he managed to bring divergent storylines together and make them coherent. He successfully combines fact and fiction so that we have a full understanding of the historical context of his characters. I think this book is immensely better than Corelli's Mandolin because he takes his writing style one step further. I just hope no one ever makes this into a film because I can tell them now that they are going to fail miserably. This is a story best left on the printed page to be enjoyed on a lazy Saturday afternoon, while drinking coffee and eating brownies.

50/50 Chance

I had my job interview at lunch today.:) It was for an Asset Management firm here in Singapore. They need someone to be a System Administrator for their Investment Management software. Something I'm very familiar with since I spent the last 4 years working on the same type of product. Anyway, I was so shocked because the hiring manager is the nicest guy I've met in Singapore so far. He's the Head of the IT Division, but he is very unassuming, modest and very soft-spoken. It's like a culture shock for me coming from a very dog-eat-dog environment in my current company.

Anyway, I just have to live with the fact that I will be getting less pay but I still get the full benefits like medical and insurance coverage, plus I have proper leaves. It will only be 14 days, but 14 days I CAN ACTUALLY USE! Unlike now, I have 24 days, but I have only used 5 days so far in the entire year. Plus, no one is going to call me at 12:30 AM in the morning screaming at me on the phone.

Oh some things I forgot to mention, if I work for this guy, I don't have to go to not-so-wholesome KTV's and have to accompany him as he hires GRO's to entertain him. Nor will I ever have to sing for 4 hours ever again just to relieve me of my boredom! I don't have to go home at 4 AM in the morning dead drunk from finishing half a bottle of Bombay Sapphire. I don't have to inhale second hand smoke. I don't have to buy his medicine when he's sick. Plus, I don't have to fetch him from his hotel just to bring him to an event.

So there's a 50/50 chance of me staying in Singapore. If I get it, then well and good. If not, I take it as a sign from God that I really do have to go home to Manila. Either which way it goes, I'm still a winner.:)

Note for the superstitious: I had my interview on Friday the 13th at the 13th floor of my current building. It was so funny how I kept trying to find ways to escape from the office without anyone seeing me leaving on the 13th floor.

Rebellion

Eversince I was a kid, I always knew I was a rebel....

When my mother put me in Nursery class, I refused to listen to my teacher most of the time. When she would ask everyone to stand up and sing, I would sit down in defiance. Even when she threatened to report me to the guard, I would just look at her. Once, I even had the audacity to turn my back on her when she was talking to me. I mean, why did I have to do what everyone else was doing anyway? Out of sheer embarassment, my mother pulled me out of class.

My mother thought she would be able to raise me to become a proper little lady. So she got this crazy idea of enrolling me in ballet class. I ended up being the little terror who pushed all the kids around while they were balancing on one leg. I think she would have had more luck placing me in a martial arts class then.

When I was a little older, my Mom sent me to a summer class in some finishing school where girls were taught how to walk properly and behave properly. In one of the classes I had to take, my teacher didn't believe in the theory of evolution. So at 12 years old, I was already debating against a guy who was probably 20 years older than me about why Creationism simply cannot be scientificaly proven.

In High School, I remember we also had another debate in class regarding artificial contraception. Out of 45 people in my class, I remember being 1 of the 5 people who stood up and said that it is not evil. Everyone else still believed in Catholic teachings.

In college, I took a course everyone else thought was useless and joined a sport very few girls dared to.

Don't even talk to me about my Dad. I don't think I ever followed anything he said. My Mom knew that I was very hard to control, so she just resigned herself to the fact that I would always do things the way I wanted to. She just hoped for the best that I wouldn't get myself into too much trouble.

Today, somebody told me that I am wasting my opportunities by leaving Singapore. Duh?!!! The only reason why I got here is that I seized every opportunity that came my way. A lot of people stay in jobs they hate because they never have enough guts to get out and take the risk. The reason why I am getting out anyway is that I believe there are other opportunities out there and other adventures to be taken.

80% of people I know are deceived into thinking that security means having a big, fat bank account, a stable job, a nice house in the suburbs and a conventional family setup. Sometimes I wish I could be like everyone else, but I really don't think that's for me at this point in my life. Most of the time, I don't think it ever will be.

I don't know, I wish it were easier to explain why I am doing what I am doing. All I know is, I just have to.

Killing Time

20 days to go....

First time in 4 years I am going to be unemployed...

First time in a year where I can actually just laze around and have coffee in the mall...

You really can't have it all... Life is always about trade-offs...

I had money but I had no life.... Now, I am about to get my life back, but then I have to accept that I won't be able to go on weekly shopping sprees anymore like before.

Life is also about choices... I made a choice 4 years ago to pursue the ultimate corporate values of money, power and prestige. Now, I'm making a choice to walk away from the chance of having it all for reasons I alone will understand.

If growing up in this industry means becoming cynical and jaded about life, no thank you. They can keep the money.

If becoming sucessful means having to step on others and clawing my way to the top of the pile of shit everyone leaves behind, no thank you. I'd rather spend my life being an average person with peace in my heart.

I've made my choice. For better or for worse, I am going to live with it.

Besides, happiness, perfection and success is not only found in making your first million before you're 30.

Some of us find it in helping others.

Some of us find it in being good at a craft.

Some of us find it in having the time to appreciate the beauty of life.

If people think I am crazy so be it... I tried and I have no regrets taking this path.

Lest I get misunderstood, I don't think corporations are evil. I don't look down on regular 8-5 jobs. I am just turning away from a career path that was taking my time away from everything I hold dear and changing me into a person I was not.

Everything changes on Sept. 1, 2004.

The New Batman

I just checked out the new teaser trailer and production photos for the upcoming Batman movie starring Christian Bale. I swear he is one of the most handsome actors in Hollywood right now! I like his clean cut look and his pefect bone structure. Plus, he is well-educated because unlike most child actors, he took time out to lead a normal life and get a proper education.

The new Batman movie is directed by Christopher Nolan. He became well-known for his work Memento, a movie that told the story backwards, and questioned the very nature of memory.

I can't wait for July 2005!

Top 3

Kinopya ko lang ito galing kay Paul. Naisip kong sagutan bilang katuwaan:

3 THINGS THAT SCARE YOU

[1] death by drowning
[2] cockroaches
[3] being poor

3 THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

[1] the shallow, mindless pursuit of money
[2] office politics
[3] accounting concepts

3 THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN

[1] swimming
[2] a third language (French or German)
[3] more philosophy

3 THINGS YOU'RE WEARING RIGHT NOW

[1] my preppy knitted blouse
[2] my 4 year old funky watch with the financial market theme
[3] my cute kikay black open-toed sandals

3 THINGS ON YOUR DESK

[1] the book "Birds Without Wings" by Louis de Bernieres
[2] Dewberry Biscuits (Blueberries and Cream Flavor)
[3] system user manuals

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

[1] go skydiving
[2] get my masters degree in Philosophy
[3] start a cat shelter

3 BAD THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF

[1] impulsive
[2] violent temper outbursts
[3] risk-taker in everything else except love

3 PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE

[1] strong women in the family
[2] strange love lives
[3] stubborn streak

3 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR BODY

I like everything about my body except my tummy....

3 THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU

This is hard to answer because my life is an open-book

3 THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST
[1] Really?
[2] Totally! (when I am drunk)
[3] No problem. (when I'm working)

3 PLACES YOU WANT TO GO

[1] Venice, Italy
[2] Istanbul, Turkey
[3] Kabul, Afghanistan

3 NAMES YOU GO BY aside from Cookie,

[1] Cheryl (with clients)
[2] Cookie-Wookie (with some college friends)
[3] OokOok (my sister's pet name for me)

3 WAYS TO PISS YOU OFF

[1] Call me at 12:30 AM to talk about work
[2] Take away my freedom
[3] Giving me unsolicited advice

3 PEOPLE YOU WANT TO MEET (Puwedeng crushes na lang?)
[1] Eric Bana
[2] Eric Szmanda from CSI
[3] Karl Urban (Eomer in Lord of the Rings)

3 WAYS TO MAKE YOU SMILE

[1] Being able to do a good job
[2] Reading a good book
[3] Any joke

3 THINGS THAT MAKE YOU CRY

[1] watching happy endings in romantic comedies
[2] watching sad endings in movies
[3] people getting mad at me.

3 PEOPLE YOU RESPECT A LOT
[1] my sister
[2] my closest friends(you know who you are!)
[3] certain former teachers

Collateral

Last Sunday, I found time to watch the preview screening of "Collateral" directed by Michael Mann. I've never been a big fan of Tom Cruise, but I liked the director's other works, so I knew it was something worth seeing. Plus, the premise was pretty interesting. A hired killer hires a cab driver to take him to 5 stops. The hired killer gets to finish his assignments in one night and the cab driver earns twice what he makes on an average night.

"Collateral" really isn't your typical action film. It's more of a psychological drama involving 4 major characters. The sharp, witty dialogue though keeps you engaged with the movie and you really get to know the characters pretty well. You see how whether one is good or evil, there are common threads of experiences that run across every human being. There are the insecurties, unfulfilled dreams, doubts, hopes, fears, and all the other things that make up our life. The only difference is how we face up to those challenges. Are we going to be the best that we can be or are we going to spend the rest of our life drifting through existence while paying the bills?

The hired killer played by Tom Cruise believes he is seizing the day and living his life fully by his work. However, the cab driver played by Jamie Foxx has been lulled into a false sense of security despite the fact that he is a really good driver. He's been dreaming of putting up a limousine company for the last 12 years, but hasn't really had the guts to take that leap. In one night, they learn things about themselves and they do things they never thought they would. The cold-blooded killer saves the cab driver from robbers, policemen, and other characters intent on killing him. The cab driver, who has never given anyone trouble in his entire life, gains access to the depths of the underworld.

I guess my only complaint about the film would be Tom Cruise. This guy works really hard, but he wasn't really born with natural acting talent. The supporting cast pretty much overshadows his performance. He's just damn lucky that he was given a really good script to work with.

I'd recommend you all go watch it! However, if you are the typical brainless guy looking for mind-numbing violence onscreen, don't waste your time. I doubt it that you would like it.

Confused

Sigh! Just when I thought everything was so certain already, another complication came up.

An Asset Management firm has a vacancy here in Singapore. The Head of IT used to work for my current company. He found out I was going to leave, so he asked me to submit my resume to him ASAP. Nothing's final at this point, but he's very interested in acquiring my services. Now I am confused because I don't know whether to go home to the Philippines or if I should just stick it out here in SG. We might start initial discussions soon if he likes my resume well enough.

Pros: It's contractual work for only 1-2 years. Plus, I get exposed to the client's environment. For the last 4 years, I've always been exposed to this world from the vendor side.

Cons: Do I really want to stay in the Investment industry?

Sigh! I was really looking forward to going home.

I, Robot

Eversince I arrived in Singapore, I developed an interest in science fiction novels. I've always tried to find time to read different works from different authors. I guess the interest also got carried over to movies. That's why last week, I was really looking forward to watching "I, Robot" starring Will Smith.

"I, Robot" presents a vision of the future where robots are a part of everyday life. They become the new servants so that human beings have more time to pursue their more meaningful interests. The robots operate under 3 unbreakable laws making it impossible for them to harm their human masters. Only 1 person has an innate distrust of them and that is Will Smith's character, a policeman with a strong prejudice against robots.

One day, Will Smith is called in to investigate what looks like a suicide by the inventor of advanced robotics. The scientist leaves him a simple program which contains a clue as to what caused him to commit suicide. In the process of his investigation, he discovers the existence of one robot who has the uncanny ability to think for himself and have his own identity. Will Smith's character believes that this robot murdered the scientist. No one agrees with him though and everyone thinks he's crazy. He begins to question the 3 Laws and wonders if it is possible to break them. Many things happen to him that seem to prove his theory. All of which lead to the inevitable confrontation between man and machine.

The movie is very interesting because it tries to raise questions about what it means to have consciousness, how important it is to dream and ultimately, what does it mean to be human? The action is paced pretty well so you never feel bored. Plus, the director doesn't rely too much on special effects and noise because he has a good story to back him up. Will Smith himself proves once again that he really has the charisma to carry a film. He never looks like he's trying too hard. Overall, I had a lot of fun watching this film and would definitely recommend this to my friends to see for themselves.

The Office Summer Outing

We had our summer outing for the office last weekend at a resort in Johor Bahru, Malaysia. It was really initiated by the Social Committee in our office to be a team-building session. Most of us though saw it as a chance to have a break from the usual 9-6 routine.

I almost didn't make it in time because I woke up at 7 AM and that was our meeting time. I ended up getting dressed in 5 minutes and rushing to the Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal. I was just so lucky that my house is very near the exit points of Singapore, like the airport or the ferry terminal. The whole thing was understandable though considering I just got back from Kuala Lampur at 11 PM the night before.

The whole event was held at Sebana Cove in Desaru. It's a self-contained community so once you get in, your'e pretty much trapped for the rest of your stay. In fact, they even have their own Immigration Center to have your passport stamped. I guess the whole situation was there to force us to develop bonds with different people in the office especially since no family members were allowed.

Since it was a team-building session, we had some group activities like Treasure Hunt and Raft-Building. For the Treasure Hunt, I was lucky to have the Managing Director on our team because he could really run around the resort and get the clues. So for that game, we came in first. Then in the afternoon, we had another activity for Raft Building. Since I really can't swim, I was freaking out the first few minutes I was on the raft. It took me a few minutes to calm down. For that one, we came in last.

Overall, the event was quite fun. During the night, I got a little drunk again, but I remembered everything I did. It was pretty weird though, because back home, I would never be considered the life of the party. But here, I was the one who would pull people to the dance floor and teach them how to dance. At first the band was playing really sentimental love songs, but after their first set, I went up to them and requested for more upbeat songs. As expected, it was a Filipino band so we had no problems communicating with each other.

At around 1AM, most of the people were pretty spaced out. So we all decided to head out to the pool for a midnight swim. When we got there, some of my colleagues decided to strip down to their underwear. Even though I was tipsy, I was still very shy so I went into the pool with all my clothes on- in my jeans and t-shirt! I really just didn't want to give people any more reason to gossip about me. Strange though, considering that at this point, I really don't care anymore since I only have 29 days left before leaving.

The next day, we actually had some free time so I decided to go canoeing. I mean if I was able to survive the raft, why wouldn't I be able to survive the a properly built canoe? Besides, the whole time I was rowing, a rescue boat was always on standby. Then at lunch, we had a chance to get out of the resort and we ate at a seafood restaurant in Kota Tinggi. Lots of prawns, lobsters, fish, crabs and so many other things.We were all so full afterwards.

At 4 PM, it was time to check out. On our way back, the waters were pretty choppy because it was raining. But the view of the sea was wonderful though. Too bad I wasn't able to go mountain climbing this time around. Hmmm....maybe when I get back to the Philippines in September, I will try to climb another mountain again.

On Dead Laptops

This is the eulogy for my dead laptop.....

I was doing a detailed product presentation for a prospect in Kuala Lampur last Friday when my laptop suddely died. I really didn't know what to do at that point whether to throw it to the wall, cry or walk out of the client's office and jump off from the top of the building. I guess you can all visualize what it would have felt like for me. We tried various things to make it restart, but nothing worked. We even called various people from the Singapore office to get suggestions. Well, no one could help us. In the end, I asked the prospect if we could borrow his PC and access the system online via Microsoft Live Meeting. The connection was really slow, but we just tried to make the best out of the situstion. In the end I survived and that's a good thing.
Life is full of so many unexpected twists. Of all the things that could happen to me at a client site the worst thing really is my laptop crashing. My laptop could also be just a reflection of my own condition right now. Physically and emotionally, I just crashed. However, just as in life, you fall, you get up and you move on.

I really don't know what's going to happen to it now. I'm already on my way out and there is no point in my getting a new one. Currently I am using one of the spare units in the office. I will miss it because I have brought it with me to different places and it has a lot of important files for me. Anyway, when I get back to Manila, I'll probably inherit my sister's other laptop. I'm trying to see it as proof that when you lose something, it means that there's another thing better out there for you.