My Definition of a Dream Guy

Over the last few months, all my officemates have been asking why I am still single. To them it’s really strange why I don’t seem worried at all spending a lot of time on my own. I just tell them that I chose to be single because a boyfriend does not fit in my plans right now. It’s partly true because I have no idea yet where I want to settle down for at least 5 years. Since I am definitely leaving Singapore in late 2005, then it would just complicate matters if I got involved with anyone here. However, the real reason I choose to be single is that I am waiting for the right person to come along.

I’ve had a number of failed relationships, disastrous dates and really weird pseudo-boyfriends. I’ve practically met all the possible freaks of nature. You name your worst nightmare, I’ve probably gone out with him. I might have had 2 gay ex- boyfriends (I say might because I am still in denial about the other one.), an affair with a low-life two-timing scumbag, a long painful quasi-arrangement with a pseudo-date (don’t ask me to explain that one), and many other disasters too insignificant to mention. Now if I didn’t learn anything from my experiences, then none of these would have been worth it. But in a way, everything I’ve been through has helped both me and my friends. I am able to give good advice because most of it is based on first-hand experience. At the same time, it has helped me define clearly what I really want in a man.

So here is my long, complicated wish list of what I am looking for in a guy:

1) Smart but has a life- I want a guy who can talk to me about anything under the sun and be able to contribute significantly to the conversation. But I don’t want someone who will be hunched over his computer or a book all the time. He still should know how to have fun and not take himself too seriously.

2) Confident but not arrogant- I want someone who can get out there and talk to anyone. However, he should not be the sort of guy who would look down on others just because they don’t have the same background.

3) Cute and good skin- It doesn’t matter if he has dark or fair skin but CLEAR skin is a must. I don’t want someone who is too tall or too fat or too muscular. I want someone who I can easily hug anytime without having to tiptoe.

4) Streetsmart but not ruthless- I’ve had enough of ruthless men! I want someone who won’t easily be pushed around, but I need someone with a clear set of moral principles.

5) Sensitive but strong- I don’t mind a guy who cries once in a while. I don’t even mind having the stronger personality in a relationship, but I need somebody who won’t be dependent on me for his well-being. At the same time, I need someone who can be my anchor when I am down.

6) Flexible, well-rounded, and spontaneous- I need someone who won’t mind being impulsive sometimes. I need someone who can adjust to changes in plans and won’t make such a big useless fuss out of it. He should also be able to mix with different types of people.

7) Great with kids and pets- I could never go out with someone who could be cruel to cats or any other kind of pet. It also says a lot about a guy’s character when he knows how to deal with kids. He would probably be able to deal with me since I can be one spoiled kid on a bad day.

8) Independent and Open-minded- I could never go out with a homophobic man since most of my friends are gay. I could never go out with a man who thinks women should just stay at home and have babies because I would probably just beat the crap out of him. I would never go out with a guy who believes in censorship because I am strong believer in freedom of speech. I would never go out with a guy who follows all the teachings of the Catholic church to the letter because we would probably just fight all the time. Mama’s boys are out of the question for obvious reasons.

9) Intelligent sense of humor- I want a guy who can make me laugh, but he should be able to appreciate funny movies and TV series that require you to use your brain. A million plus points if he has memorized the dialogue from the sketches and movies of Monty Python.

10) Can cook his own dinner and clean the house- I have no intention of spending the rest of my life doing all the cooking and cleaning. Sometimes I have to go out and stay out late, I don’t want someone who will tell me that he would just go home to his mother in case I failed to cook dinner.

11) Can sing or dance or play a guitar- I don’t want to hang out with a bore. When I go out with my friends, I want to bring someone along whom I can drag to the dance floor or sing in a videoke.

12) Always looks clean- I want someone who looks like he just stepped out the shower all the time. Nothing turns me off more than body odor.

13) Someone who can give me FREEDOM- I don’t want someone who will hold me back from achieving my dreams, spending time with my friends and having fun with my life in general. I don’t ever want to go out with a typical macho guy who believes it is his God-given duty to protect me. No thank you, I can take care of myself.

So with my extremely long list, it’s no longer a wonder why I am still single.:)

Wow! I Love This Quiz!

Uhhh...this is a really strange result....But hey, it's only once in a while that someone says I'm perfect. Hahahahaha!


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Duh?!!!

I don't exatly find him that attractive. Here are my top 3 choices for famous people I would marry except they are married already:

1) Conan O' Brien- for his sense of humour and brain. I'm definitely not after the looks.
2) Eric Bana- for that sensitive-boy look
3) Karl Urban- because he has such an interesting face.


You are going to marry Ashton Kutcher. He is kind
and sweet, but pulls a lot of pranks (and
probably quite a few on you too!!)and can
always make you laugh.
Congrats!!


Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (14 choices now!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Why I Am Feeling A Lot Better These Days....

When I was about 8 years old, I told myself I wanted to become a lawyer. When I was 14 years old, I told myself, I wanted to become a doctor. When I was 16, I wanted to become an archaeologist, which is why I wanted to take up History in college. Then as we all know, by a twist of fate, I ended up taking Philosophy in the university I used to hate back when I was in High School. I hated that place because I always had an impression that people who went to that school were stuck up snobs and my experience there for 4 years would prove me both right and wrong at the same time. Yes, there were the typical horrible rich kids who would look down on you just because you were not dressed up in the latest fashion. At the same time though, I also met the kindest and smartest people who were going to be part of my life for a long time even after the diplomas were handed out.

I always knew that I was going to have to take a course related to the Arts and not the Sciences. If I forced myself to take Management, I knew that I would have flunked out in less than a year. So I had to choose between Literature and Philosophy. Since there was already one Literature major in the family, I opted for the latter.

Even though I chose to take Philosophy because I wanted to, I struggled through most of my Philosophy classes. At 18, I really knew nothing about life, so what could I say about being, death, loss, love and truth? Whatever I knew about these things, more than likely I just read from books so I was stuck on a purely conceptual level. Whenever I would be asked to answer that final question in my oral exams that would guarantee me an A, I would be stumped. I had absolutely no idea how to carry further the lessons that I learned in the classroom.

Despite all the near flunking experiences I had, I never regretted a single moment that I was in Philosophy. It was the happiest time of my life. Yes, I had the usual angst like most teenagers, but I was into something that I was really in love with. It was definitely something I could be passionate about.

In my last year of college, I found myself really lost. I had absolutely no idea what to do with the rest of my life. At least Management majors could join corporations and become managers. Scientists could either teach or become researchers. As for Philosophers, people expected us to go to law school or become teachers. It was at that point that I decided I wanted to prove people wrong. I wanted to say that Philosophers could have normal jobs like the rest of the population. Besides, I didn’t want to take any of the 2 options at that point.

I actually wanted to join the Jesuit Volunteers of the Philippines program. Unfortunately, at that time, I had a boyfriend who cried every single time I told him I wanted to be assigned in a faraway province and help people. Later on, he would use the same method when he wanted me to give up other things I loved doing. I allowed myself to be manipulated like that for a little over a year. Luckily, I came to my senses and got out eventually. There was also another reason why I could not go for this dream, I had responsibilities to my family at that time, especially since my Mom became ill. So I ended up taking the corporate path.

Over the next few years, I found myself trying to pretend that I was a normal person. At first, I tried to be myself, but I ended up being so misunderstood that I quit my first job after 4 months. I tried to dress like everyone else. At one point, I even tried wearing make-up just to fit in. I tried to be interested in the same topics that everyone liked to discuss in the office. However, the more I tried to conform, the clearer it became to me that I was different. So I ended up leading a double life. In the office, I would pretend to be interested only in making more money and getting the next promotion. Outside, I would hang out with my friends, do a lot of crazy things and I was not afraid to speak out my mind freely.

Leading a double life though will catch up with you eventually. It already did with me. I got to the point where I became so miserable because my corporate persona was taking over the REAL me. I was not happy with the person I had become. Instead of getting better, things got worse. I felt like I was condemned to live this life forever, but I was lucky that somehow just at the right moment, I got my answer.

I’m still in the corporate world at the moment. However, the difference is I now know what I want and how to get there. I already have clear plan how much I need to save in order to leave all of this behind. After that, I plan on pursuing my dream of going to graduate school. This time, I am pretty sure that I am going to take Philosophy. I have made a stand and I am not going to take my M.B.A. just because that is what is expected of me. I do not know yet when or where, but this is the dream that gives me the energy to wake up every morning and go to work. The moment I decided that this is what I really wanted to do with my life, everything made more sense. It won’t be that long. I just need to do this for another 13 months. Then one day I will wake up and I will be once more living out another of my dreams.

The Stuff of Daydreams

On local TV, “The Apprentice” is followed by a regular series called “The OC”. I never really liked any of the teen-oriented TV shows. I prefer watching crime stories like “CSI” and “Law and Order”. However, when you are really, really bored, you learn to be content with whatever is available on TV.

Over the last few weeks, I have been watching “The OC” and I have to admit it’s growing on me. Maybe I like the show because there is nothing better on at that time. Not unless I wanted to watch some sappy Hong Kong drama. It could be that I enjoy watching it because I think one of the lead characters is really cute. In the end, I will have to admit it’s the love stories that keep me glued to my seat. There’s the misunderstood kid who is in love with the most popular figure in school. Then you have the smart girl who falls in love with her best friend, while he pines away for the sexier but dumber classmate. I thought it was really silly that I was watching a show about teenagers until later on I realized that most of the things they talk about are the same issues we face as adults. Maybe we may live under more complex situations, but if you think about it, I don’t think our problems with relationships change much as we grow older.

I have been talking to my friends in the last few days and mostly the conversation has been about past loves, past heartbreaks, issues with current boyfriends or worries about not having a boyfriend in the first place. One thing that I observed is that a lot of people seem to be dissatisfied with the current state of their love lives. I’m not immune to that feeling. Sometimes, I wonder how come I have not been lucky enough to meet a nice normal guy whom I can hang out with. But then, when I hear the stories of my married friends who have to ask permission from their husbands or wives before being able to go out with their friends or even before going on a business trip, it completely turns me off from the idea of ever ending up with someone for good. It’s essentially a Catch-22 situation for me. I don’t like the feeling of being trapped in a relationship, but at the same time, I know I would never be able to handle the concept of having a fling.

So I go on and watch shows like “The OC” or watch the sappy romantic comedies that star Hugh Grant or Adam Sandler. It’s nice to daydream that one day I could finally be swept off my feet. But then I think the sort of guy I want to have doesn’t really exist.

Reality TV to Real Life

Like most working people, I spend a lot of my time at home in front of a television screen. I could be watching TV while having dinner, ironing clothes, or while obsessing over my hobbies like cross-stitching and solving jigsaw puzzles. It’s a comfort to have something droning on in the background especially if you live on your own.

I admit that like most people I watch Reality TV shows. There’s a perverse fascination to watching ordinary people plucked off the street make fools of themselves all for the sake of getting their 15 minutes of fame. Some are a little smarter than others (Survivor, The Apprentice, The Amazing Race). Other shows provide genuine entertainment (American Idol and all the other lesser-known rip-offs). However, sad to say there are a growing number of shows that sink to the lowest depths of stupidity and feature the desperate attempts of people for ANY kind of attention (A Simple Life, Joe Millionaire, The Bachelor/ Bachelorette).

Last night I watched the first episode of The Apprentice. A lot of you have probably seen it already, so you’re probably thinking that I am so behind the times. But there is nothing I can do since I have no cable TV here in Singapore. (YES. There is life without cable.) I already know who won, but I am still planning to catch the rest of the series because it does make for good television viewing. It’s interesting to see how complete strangers attempt to kill each other while trying to finish their business assignments as a team. The editing is very tight so there are no dull moments onscreen. Plus, it’s highly unlikely that we will see any people falling in love with each other. (I’m sorry but I found the Rob-Amber team in Survivor: All Stars pretty distressing.)

Maybe the reason why we watch a lot of Reality TV is that Real Life can be boring, messy and painful. Reality TV can have all of the same things except that it’s not us who are experiencing it. But then, a life without pain, passion, doubt, despair or happiness is not a life at all. I’m getting up from the couch and taking a walk. On second thought, maybe not, I need to find out who will get eliminated this week.

Finally, the Linkin Park Review

I’m really, really sleepy right now since I had a really wild time last night watching the Linkin Park Concert. Finally after days of waiting, I finally got to watch the group whose music I have been listening to for the last 3 years. I know it’s either you hate them or you love them so don’t read this entry if you are one of those people who don’t like them.

I left my office at 6:15 and got to the venue at around 6:30. The concert was supposed to start at 8:00, but there was already an extremely long line snaking around the venue. As luck would have it, I was just walking towards one of the entrances, when they suddenly opened an extra gate so I just ran there and got in earlier than a lot of other people. I know it was so bad of me to do, but hey I have to grab every opportunity right?

I managed to get a good spot near the barrier of the SGD 85 section. That meant I would have a good view of the stage. This being an open field venue with no chairs meant a lot to someone like me, especially since I decided to go by myself to the concert.

The real down side to this concert is all the waiting we had to do. Since I got there early, I had to wait for 2 hours. Then at 8:30, the front-act started playing after being introduced by 2 dorky DJ’s from some local radio station. Unfortunately, it was a Korean band that vaguely sounded like Linkin Park if they singing in Korean. Just use your imagination. After that, we had to wait for another hour before Linkin Park finally came out to play. It was already 9:30 and I was there at 6:30. Of course, once they started playing, pandemonium just broke out.

I purposely went on my own so I could go crazy if I wanted to without worrying about any of the other people around me. I was jumping and screaming out all their songs during the whole performance. Since I was in the area full of high school kids, we were a pretty rowdy section. Luckily, I was wearing my heavy hiking boots so I was not easily pushed around. With all the jumping around though, it got really, really warm in our area and it became hard to breathe. The organizers had to start distributing water or throwing water at the audience. Still, it was no surprise that some people actually fainted and had to be carried away.

Although I had a lot of fun, I found that a small part of me was unimpressed by the concert. I was looking for that feeling of being in awe since I was watching one of my favorite bands live. Maybe my expectations were too high. They look so ordinary in person. Growing up listening to all sorts of rock groups, I’m used to lead singers who look strange and have a really strong presence on stage. Chester Bennington and Mike Shinoda looked like regular guys who I would not notice if I passed them on the street. Prior to the concert, I was listening to my CD of “Linkin Park: Live In Texas” and it was almost the same play list they used for last night. But still, I felt there was something missing when I was watching last night.

I’m really glad I watched the concert of Linkin Park. It’s something I wanted to do since last year, when I almost went to Malaysia just to catch their concert in KL. However, it’s something I would only do once. I’d just stick to listening to my CDs where they will always sound like the perfect band to me.

And so it begins....

A friend of mine got married a few weeks ago. Another friend of mine just got engaged recently. Hmmm... I haven't even started looking...

Written on a Saturday Night

Here I am again alone on a Saturday night. I just finished watching “The Next Joe Millionaire” and “A Simple Life”. So now I am listening to my Linkin Park albums while reading “A Cook’s Tour” by Anthony Bourdain. Am I depressed? No. Strangely enough, I’m quite content at the moment.

Technically I have been officially single for almost 4 years now. I don’t want to consider my last pseudo-boyfriend as a real relationship because that situation was way too complicated. I don’t want to go into details because that story is so dead and done with on both our sides that we don’t even talk to each other anymore.

I have to say I’m manic-depressive about my status. Sometimes I feel proud and happy for being a strong and independent woman. On other days, I can feel really shitty about having to do stuff alone all the time. I have dinner alone. I watch movies alone. I go shopping alone. Hell, I’m even watching the Linkin Park concert this Tuesday alone. This being Singapore, I doubt it if there will be any riots during the concert. I don’t feel bad about it because it is my choice. I actually enjoy doing stuff on my own because it means, I have all the space I want and I can do whatever I please.

I guess my being a loner stems from my childhood. I was never allowed to play with the other neighborhood kids because I was too sickly so I just stayed at home reading my schoolbooks or any other thing I could get from the library. At the same time, having an overprotective family makes me crave for space all the time now that I am finally away from them.

But sometimes I do feel sad about being single. Whenever I watch movies, the ticket seller always has to ask me twice if I am getting only ONE TICKET. I have to repeat my answer most of the time and I am used to getting weird stares from them in the process. Sometimes I walk in the mall and I do admit feeling a tinge of envy when I see people being really affectionate with each other.

In the end however I realize I am so used to being alone that I doubt it if I could handle a real commitment. I don’t like the idea of someone calling me up at 2 AM asking me where I am while I am out with my friends. I don’t enjoy the thought of someone asking me to behave in a certain manner. I would hate it if someone told me to stop drinking or stop smoking because it’s bad for my health. Outside of my work, I like to do things when I feel like it and not because someone expects me to.

Yes I have gone out with people over the last few years, but they tend to bore me after a while. I like them at first and then later on, I find out their major flaw and I just leave. Someone told me that if I can find someone with half of the items on my list of “must-haves” then I should be content and happy. I just don’t feel right about it. If ever I were to end up with someone, I don’t want to settle for what’s there. I want to be sure that the person is everything I’ve always looked for. Even if my heart has become as cold as stone, I still believe that one day I’ll find that one person who will make me believe in happy endings again. Until then, I’ll be quite happy watching movies on my own.

Movie of the Week: Chronicles of Riddick

There is no way in hell I am going to be objective about this movie. Plus, I am not going to waste your time dissecting it like it was a groundbreaking film that would change the landscape of cinema in the years to come.

5 Reasons Why I Liked This Movie:

1) The visuals are awesome. I am really attracted to the architecture of the Necromonger civilization.
2) Karl Urban who plays Necromonger general Lord Vaako is a hottie! In case you don’t remember, he played Eomer in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I can’t explain how he can look cute with the weird hair but he really does have an interesting face.
3) The story is not bad although it does borrow some of the famous themes from other works of science fiction like Dune and Star Trek.
4) It’s loud but entertaining brainless fun.
5) It has an interesting cast: Dame Judi Dench as an “Elemental” and Linus Roche as “The Purifier”, who both end up sharing screen time with Vin Diesel.

One Big Reason To Hate Chronicles of Riddick:

Thandie Newton

Hell Is Giving Up On your Dreams....

I was trying to write a journal entry in straight Filipino to explain all the emotions running through my brain right now. After an hour of trying to put words together, I gave up. It's not that I am not good in speaking the language, it's just that I think faster in English.

I do not regret a single moment that I have walked the corporate path. I did this to find out for myself what it's like to be in the "real" world. Although my course in college has absolutely nothing to do with my work right now, I have managed to survive because I have no choice. I have bills to pay, responsibilities to fulfill and a life to build.

However, when I think about it, I realize I do not have a single friend who would be considered "normal". My real friends are artists, NGO types, self-employed, drifters, or people with strong creative impulses who just like me, forego their dreams in order to be responsible adults. I cannot stand the thought of hanging out with typical yuppies who work in P&G, Unilever, Citibank or some other big-name corporation. I have nothing against these people. It's just that I never belonged with that crowd.

I do not want to get my MBA by the age of 30. I am not interested in becoming the CEO of some big organization. I know what I want to do and it's to go back to school and pursue my greatest passion which is Philosophy. I want to join a volunteer program and serve people in a more direct way without counting what I would get in return. I want to see people for who they are and not for what they can do for my career. I do not want to compromise my principles anymore just to fit in. I do not want to get things done no matter who I step on along the way. I am sick and tired of having to play mind games with people and watch my back all the time.

I want to be a kid again. I want to be myself. I want to be kind-hearted. I want to be open. I want to be vulnerable. I want to wear jeans and shirts everyday instead of stuffy business suits.

But then, there are bills I need to pay next month...

My Day Sucks

Got into a mini-argument again with my boss. Clash of personalities talaga. It's one of those days when I ask myself, "Dear Lord, why did you make so ambitious, that I actually took this job?"

When people found out I was going to work for this guy, they were all amazed at my courage. It could also be that they thought I was that stupid to get out of my comfort zone and risk everything for someone who has a really bad reputation. Anyway, despite all the warnings I got, I went ahead with this decision.

I have absolutely nothing in common with this guy. He's a hard-core sales man who thinks only in terms of numbers while I am a practical person who has interests outside of my job. I read books, watch movies, appreciate art, etc. This guy claims he is a Buddhist, but he can't even read about the teachings of Buddha unless it's in comic book format! So when we have conference calls or see each other, we just discuss work. Other than that, there is nothing else to talk about.

God knows how much I have changed for my job. I have turned a blind eye to a lot of things that go against my principles. I have learned how to be creative about the truth, gone to a not-so-wholesome KTV, completely turned away from whatever Philosophy taught me about how to treat fellow human beings and given up a normal life with my immediate family. Still, it is not enough. That is what I hate about my life right now. True, I have never been more financially stable, but there is much more to life than money.

I'm going to start saving every single cent I can, so I can get out of this shitty hellhole sooner.

On the bright side, since I have no business trip for next week, then this means I can actually watch Linkin Park here in Singapore. It's confirmed.:) Buying my ticket tonight.

Obvious ba I am bored today?

avoidant


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmmm.....

Nerdslut


What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Erasing Memories

“Would I erase my painful memories of someone I loved just to move on with my life?” I found myself asking this question as I watched the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”. Since the movie was written by Charlie Kaufman (who also wrote 2 other innovative films, “Being John Malkovich” and “Adaptation”), I expected to be blown away with a story that questions the very nature of truth and how we perceive the world. In the end, I wasn’t jolted with any great realizations about life. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the movie and related with it on a more emotional level as compared to his previous films.

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” is a nice, quiet film focused on real people and is a good break from all these noisy, empty Hollywood blockbusters. It begins simply enough when a guy named Joel gets out of bed one day feeling that a huge chunk of his life is missing. He decides to skip work altogether and take a random out-of-town trip. He doesn’t know what draws him to that place but he suddenly finds himself attracted to a strange lady with blue hair. The lady with blue hair, whose name is Clementine, takes a fancy to him too and pursues him on the train ride back. Later on in the film we find out the reason these 2 seemingly different people get along is that they already met a long time ago. It just so happened that they erased their memories of each other. Clementine did it out of impulsiveness, while Joel followed out of revenge.

As explained to Joel, his memories will be erased while he sleeps to remove the possibility of any potential trauma. In the middle of the process, Joel realizes he has made a very big mistake. He was too focused on the bad memories that he forgot he and Clementine shared so many good moments together. He panics and begins to hide her in the deepest darkest recesses of his brain going as far as his childhood. Seeing the interplay of his childhood and his adult memories is funny in a creepy kind of way.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is the part when they were about to delete the memory of when they first met. In the original version, Joel just walked out on Clementine because he could not really understand her behavior at that time. He didn’t know her well enough to see that part of her nature is to shock people and to go against any norms. To provide a certain level of comfort for this great loss, the Clementine in Joel’s head and the real Joel, agreed to change the ending by saying a proper goodbye to each other. I felt that this scene captured in simple terms all the emotions we feel when we are about to lose something or someone, and yet are helpless to do anything about it.

80% of the film takes place inside Joel’s head. We go on a journey with him and question the nature of our memories. In this film, memory is treated as a mere object and not as an integral part of who we are. Therefore, it can be erased to suit our purposes. Many other significant events happen outside of Joel’s mind while the erasure process is going on. People make decisions that have far-reaching effects for the other characters. Everything and everyone is accounted for. More importantly, people get what is due them.

The entire cast deliver solid performances. Jim Carey is subdued in this film, which is a refreshing change from his roles of late where he tends to try too hard to get the laughs. Kate Winslet shows us the different shades of Clementine from the bright unconventional version to her dark insecure side. Elijah Wood makes me forget he played Frodo Baggins, which bodes well for the rest of his career. Mark Ruffalo, Kirstin Dunst and Tom Wilkinson are not onscreen much, but they all manage to reflect in their performances the changes their characters go through. However, the greatest strength of this movie is its ability to raise interesting questions in our heads: “Why do we torment ourselves by falling for people who are obviously wrong for us?”, “If we already knew a relationship is going to fail, would we even bother to try?”, “By erasing our memories, are we not denying ourselves the privilege of learning from our mistakes? Would we not condemn ourselves to a life where we do things over and over again?” You’ll be surprised to realize later on that you probably asked one or two of the same questions in your own lives. Safe to say, after watching this movie, you will come out of the theater not really changed, but hopefully a little wiser.

Didn't know I was this evil....

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Yoga Works!

Last April, I finally decided to join a gym. But I wasn't going to start lifting weights again. I was more interested in trying out the different classes. So I decided to sign up for yoga classes 2x a week- Tuesdays and Saturdays. I've lost count of how many classes I've gone to, but I have to say it really works! My body doesn't feel so tight anymore and I can breathe easier. Plus, it is a good stress reliever! I'm still not so flexible but I'm getting there.

Singapore Nightouts

I know I have finally somehow managed to settle in this place because I actually go out on Friday nights now! It used to be I would spend all my Friday nights watching reality TV shows at home. Gosh! I can remember how just 2 months ago I was always updated with "Survivor", "American Idol", "America's Next Top Model", "Paradise Hotel", "Joe Millionaire", "For Love or Money" etc. I could never bring myself though to watch "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" though. I think toying with relationships is taking the reality TV show genre too far.

Anyway, last Friday I was invited by some colleagues. I almost didn't go because I really just wanted to go shopping by myself. But then, I saw how my officemate reacted when I said "No." He had that "There you go again avoiding us," look so I said I would go but only stay for dinner.

I joined them for dinner after buying 1 dress at Tang's Mall and 5 books from Borders. Then, I wound up joining them for drinks on Mohammed Sultan Road. So much for saying I would only stay a short while!

We ended up at this bar called Double 00 because Siam Supper Club was full. They were having their anniversary celebration. One thing about Singapore, I've never really liked any of the bars I've been to so far. They all remind me of Greenbelt 2/3. People really dress up and check each other out. Nobody really has fun because they are all too concerned with being hip. I didn't care though because it was a Friday and it is the only day of the week that I can wear casual clothes!

Another thing that I hate about Singapore bars is that men keep trying to pick me up. For others, this would be a good thing except that I am not into meeting strangers in bars. They can also be quite aggressive with it. I'm okay with being nice to people whom other friends introduce to me, but I would never strike up a conversation with someone who just happened to be sitting there before I arrived. It's really not my thing. I just want to be left alone.

Everyone knows I have a reputation for drinking. However, since I wasn't with people I could really trust to take care of me in case I got really drunk, I just had 1 beer and 3 tequilla sunrises. At 2 a.m., I thought we were going home. Instead, people were hungry so we ended up going to Newton Hawker Center and having raw clams, chicken wings, hor fun and carrot cake. Weird combination, but most of it tasted nice.

I stil prefer the nightlife in Manila. People really know how to have fun. They dance, sing and don't just stand around checking out other people. But then, for now this will have to do. As long as I am clear about my limits, then I'll be fine.

Freaky Coincidence

Hmmm....you know how sometimes things just happen when they are supposed to happen? I was reading a comment my friend Neva made on my last blog entry about life in Singapore. I was telling her about this other blog I had a year ago, which only one other person knew about. I told her I never really felt like sharing it with the world like this one because all it contained was stuff about my Mom when she died. I was telling her that I preferred to start over instead of building from that one. Then I suddenly remembered, tomorrow will be my Mom's 1st death anniversary which I almost forgot. Suddenly made me feel a little sad to realize she isn't around anymore, but wherever she is I know she is happy. I think she is happy too that I got a chance to start my life all over again in a different country. I left Manila about 2 1/2 months after she died but I already made my decision to leave less than a week after her cremation. So I guess this blog is a way for me to say that I have recovered and somehow moved on with my life.

Letter to My Mom

I love you Mommy. Don't worry about me because I'm okay. I think you taught me enough which is why I am able to survive on my own. Sorry I still haven't had enough luck to find myself a decent guy to hang out with. Although, I think you should still be happy for me because I am living my life almost exactly the way I want to. Imagine if I ended up with that guy you liked, I would probably be 200 pounds now, with no career and with 2-3 ugly children running around the house. I always thank God for giving me a mother who always encouraged me to find value in my own achievements and to live my life acccording to my principles. Just keep having fun wherever you are, you deserve it.

9 months, 7 days

As of today, I have been based in Singapore for 9 months and 7 days. It hasn’t been that long but it still feels a little slow sometimes because my life isn’t as exciting here as compared to when I was in Manila. My friends are all there so I don’t have any reason to stay out late on Friday or Saturday nights and get into all sorts of misadventures.

Anyway, what is life like for me here in Singapore? Monday to Friday, I go to work 9:00- 6:00. That’s the official time, but more often than not, I have to stay a little later to get some urgent stuff done. I once stayed in the office until 6:00 A.M. the next day but that’s the exception rather than the rule. After some time it got really boring to have that routine so I signed up for gym classes. So now, I have Yoga on Tuesdays/Saturdays and Aerobics on Thursday nights. I refuse to step into a gym and lift weights because I am one of those women who develop muscles easily and I am not interested in bulking up anymore. On Wednesdays, I study Basic Mandarin just so my boss will get off my case for not studying any Chinese dialect.

Weekends? I wake up really late on Saturdays and Sundays. I want to make up for the sleep I don’t get on weekdays. Saturday is really my leisure day so I go shopping, watch movies, and basically bum around when I can. Sunday is chores day. That means I have to do my laundry, ironing, cleaning my room, and cooking all my meals for that week. After doing that for the last few months, I realized why I refused to get married years ago. I can barely manage a household for myself. How would I be able manage for 3 other people? You can’t exactly hire a maid here in Singapore because it is expensive and impractical.

When people ask me how I can survive in Singapore when it is such a boring place as compared to Manila, I just always say, “I’m in rehab.” Now that I am here in Singapore, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I rarely stay out late. I spend my free time at home reading books, watching TV, listening to music, cross-stitching, cooking- stuff I really like doing. Anytime I feel like it, I go to the malls and watch movies. Recently, I even started a new hobby, solving 1000 pieces jigsaw puzzles.

I live in suburban Singapore, particularly in the Simei area. Rent is cheaper. There is much more space to walk around. Plus, it’s really convenient because there are 3 malls I can easily get to. It may be a 25-minute ride to the main business district, but I don’t really mind the travel time because it’s a very relaxing place to live in. Once convenient thing about my place though is that it only takes 15 minutes for me in a cab to get to the airport.

I guess that should be enough for now. I’m thinking of what else to write about next….

Self-Indulgence

I believe all blogs to be an exercise in self-indulgence. Where else can you talk about yourself 24/7? Even your best friend in the world won’t do that for you. That’s why in viewing this blog, don’t expect to see any profound thoughts. It’s just me living my life. So if I come off as frivolous then that’s me. Love it or hate it, it’s your choice to read it.

Welcome

I guess I was finally inspired to write a blog because I have spent the last few days posting messages on my friends blogs. Call it envy, but maybe I just need some space to talk.